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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451826">Day After Day (I Will Always Love You)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowBeautifulItIsToEvenExist/pseuds/HowBeautifulItIsToEvenExist'>HowBeautifulItIsToEvenExist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Army, Bellamy died in the war, Bellarke, F/M, Incomplete, Jasper and Octavia, Marper - Freeform, Miller and Bellamy, Modern, Pregnant, Pregnant Clarke Griffin, Runaway, Soldier Bellamy Blake, The 100 - Freeform, basically just post bellarke, domestic marper, i dont know what this is, it’s probably bad, jasper - Freeform, octavia blake - Freeform, sorry aha, will probably not get finished in the near future</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:27:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowBeautifulItIsToEvenExist/pseuds/HowBeautifulItIsToEvenExist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always Bellamy and Clarke, Clarke and Bellamy... until it wasn’t</p><p>They had never needed anything other than each other, other than the love they shared.<br/>But after a tragic accident, can one learn to live without the other? Learn to open their heart to people, and too themselves?<br/>So armed with a backpack and a tape recorder, Clarke fled their town. Searching for something to fill the gap he left in her heart, and to find a place to call home. </p><p> </p><p>Or//Bellamy dies and Clarke runs away to try and find peace, recording messages for Bellamy along the way</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Jasper Jordan, Raven Reyes &amp; Kyle Wick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Day After Day (I Will Always Love You)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Probably only 2/3 chapters depending on if it flops<br/>The days don’t flow into each other btw, there’s time jumps but it’ll make sense </p><p>Leave comments or kudos &lt;3 thanks for reading</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="u">
    <span class="s1">Day 20</span>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Bellamy”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She already knew the receiving end was going to be quiet, no reply to her pleading voice.But she couldn’t stop now, not after she’d gone all the way to Polis electronics shop to buy the stupid tape recorder.The woman behind the counter had looked at her in shock when she had asked if they had any old 90’s tape recorders in stock. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">For a history class</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">,’ she’d quickly lied to the worker, whose name tag had </span>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <span class="s4">Raven</span>
    </em>
  </strong>
  <span class="s2"> written in messy sharpie, <em>‘</em></span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">a history project at college</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"><em>,’</em> she rambled, her words stumbling over one and other, the lie growing obvious.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">‘</span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">Funny uniform for a history student but hey, i work in a room full of broken junk so who am i to judge</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"><em>,’</em> and then she’d smiled, a sincere and warm smile, not like the forced smiles Clarke had been fed at the funeral, and not like the pitiful smile the woman in the shop had given her yesterday after not so subtly noticing the contents of her basket.And then Clarkes face had crumbled, and she had began to fall to the floor when she felt warm arms catch her, pulling her into the small, yet strong embrace of Raven.  She had then proceeded to tell her <em>everything</em>, every little detail about her hopeless degree, her dead fiancée and more significantly, the life they created that was growing inside of her.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And then Raven had insisted on closing the shop early, coming with Clarke to cheer her up and watch some trashy tv shows. Clarke had declined, promising her that she would be okay and really had to get going, the crapy backwater diner she worked at hadn’t given her that much of a lunch break anyways, due to the overflowing number of people deciding they suddenly wanted ,in Clarke’s opinion, a rather disgusting cheese burger.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And then she had fled the shop, tear stained cheeks and her precious tape recorder in hand.  </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And she had gotten on the first bus that arrived, and didn’t look up until Polis was just a flicker in the distance, a tiny insignificant dot on the beautiful burning horizon. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">That was five hours ago, and now, here she sat, the cold concrete of the rooftop digging into her hands as she lay down, gazing at the stars.It was the clearest she’d seen the sky in years, although, she supposed that was to be expected after living surrounded by light and people for so long.And now, laying on the roof of the only building for miles, with only the hazy neon motel sign flickering in the background, she finally allowed herself to breathe, breathe in the crisp autumn air around her, breathe in the peace and quiet of the desert like place she had found herself in.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She allowed herself to breathe peacefully, but it did not last.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Because even though she already knew the receiving end was going to be quiet, the radio silence had hurt all the same.And with the realisation that he was truly gone, she allowed herself to grieve, and once the tears started, it would be years before they would ever truly stop.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="u">
    <span class="s1">Day 21</span>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Another day, another town, another shitty motel, but still, the same pain lingered on her voice.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Hey Bellamy, i’m sorry I couldn’t say much yesterday, guess it all got a bit too much.That doctor at the mortuary told me I should try calling you, leaving voice messages, but we both know I have never been the biggest fan of voicemail.” Clarke can feel the memory bubbling to the surface, almost as if it is gasping for air.And then it hits her, head on, without warning, sad and happy all at the same time.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">*2 months ago*</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">“<em>Bell where are you? Its been hours, the reservation was cancelled, they called, said they needed the table space-</em>“ The desperation in her voice was evident, she was not just a paranoid girlfriend wondering why her boyfriend wasn’t picking up his phone after insisting that they book that table, on that day, at that restaurant.She was scared, scared that something had happened- a car crash, a fire- after all, the rusted old town they had been calling home for the last 4 years wasn’t exactly known for its safe streets or friendly residents.And Bellamy wasn’t exactly known for backing down from a fight, he had the worlds biggest heart, a bold exterior with a heart of gold, he would’ve jumped at the first sign of trouble, whether it be a neighbour needing help up the broken staircase of their pathetic apartment building, or a kid getting picked on by the juniors at the local high school.He didn’t necessarily have a hero complex, he just liked to help, and Clarke had been warning him for months that the military grade haircut and the sudden increase in muscle wouldn’t go unnoticed by the local gangs that patrolled the streets, wielding guns and hidden pocketknives.He was bound to get into trouble at some point, and that is exactly what she didn’t want to happen.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">After leaving more messages than a sane person should admit to, she finally caved and called Octavia, hoping to god that the youngest Blake would have some semblance of an idea as to the whereabouts of her brother.And as it happened, she knew exactly where he was, because as soon as the dial tone had started, it had ended just as quick, a breathless Bellamy gasping a shallow ‘<em>Hello</em>’ down the line.He obviously hadn’t looked at the caller ID before answering, but Clarke didn’t care, he was alive, he was breathing, and that was all that mattered.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Where the hell are you?</em>’ Having switched into annoyed mode once she knew that he wasn’t dead in some dingy alley, ‘<em>I waited Bellamy! For hours, do you know how that felt, waiting at a table in a fancy restaurant, that you do not have any business being in, alone, for hours? Do you Bellamy?’</em> The line was silent, if not for the steady rhythm of his breathing she would assume he had put the phone down on her, and then she would be really mad.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Clarke?’</em>His voice had been soft as he spoke, like the voice of someone who was broken, who had gave it all, but it was still him, still Bellamy, her Bellamy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Bell are you okay?What’s going on? Why are you with Octavia, we’re supposed to be at dinner, you booked it yourself I don’t understand-‘</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Clarke please, for a second and I can explain okay?I’m sorry I didn’t turn up, I won’t try and blame work or traffic, I just, I just got so scared princess, so scared.’</em>His voice was timid through her phone speaker, almost a whisper.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Bellamy spit it out, it’s okay, whatever it is, we can get through it.’</em> She was almost begging at this point, clawing for anything, something to explain. ‘<em>What happened?’</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">His reply was short, a sigh, and then a single sentence that could’ve bought her world crashing around her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>You, princess</em>,’ The words hit her like a tidal wave, he hadn’t called her that in years, not since everything happened with his mum and hers, ‘<em>You happened.’</em></span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Bellamy I-</em>‘ But he didn’t give her time to finish, because he wasn’t done, wasn’t done with whatever break up speech she thought he had planned. <em>‘When I was 12, my sister met this girl, ‘blondie’ she’d called her, real funny i’d thought back then, because that couldn’t have possibly been an actual name.But then I met you, and I understood it, do you remember Clarke? You had those golden waves covering your entire back, golden waves for days, like Apollos sun chariot, I had thought back then.But who was this mystery girl I hadn’t met before?I couldn’t understand how a girl so beautiful had gone unnoticed for so long, and then Octavia had informed me that you weren’t from Texas at all, but moved that year. ‘From the Hamptons, she’d giggled, ‘Like the posh people!’ But even after insisting that you weren’t just another rich girl befriending her out of pity, I still didn’t believe her, and if the golden locks and attitude had been anything to go by, I thought was right.’</em><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Clarke was confused at his words, at his choice of memory to bring up, but more importantly, she was confused as to why this didn’t sound like the goodbye she had been expecting, but he again wasn’t done yet.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Clarke you changed my life, you went from an annoying 11 year old girl I couldn’t seem to stand to the most important person in my life, and the scary part is, I don’t remember it even happening.’</em> She could hear him chuckling to himself at the memory, and she’d allowed a smile to slip onto her own face. ‘<em>Was it when you stole that girls tiara in the sixth grade? Claiming that you were the only real princess, which you obviously knew from the copious amounts I used to call you as such.Or was it after ninth, when that stupid boy Finn had broke you young heart, and I, the ever doting best friend I was, decided to punch him in the face during assembly.’</em> She laughed at that, as did he, a genuine laugh that could light up the darkest of nights. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Fuck… I don’t know princess, I don’t know when it happened, and to be honest, I don’t really care.Because all that matters now is this, you and me, in this together?’</em></span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Yeah Bell, were in this together.</em>’ It was starting to sound less like a break up and more like a drunken thank you speech, Clarke was confused, evidently so when the next words out of his mouth were a quiet whisper.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3"><em>‘You’re it for me you know?I want to spend my whole life with you, loving you, being there for you,-‘</em> She could feel the tears beginning to snake their way down her face, coating her cheeks in her salty happiness, she wanted him to continue, but the interruption wasn’t annoying, it just made her laugh.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Bellamy Blake you better stop using all my goddam credit or i’m going to kick you in the balls and make you buy me a whole new phone for my trouble!’</em> Octavia’s voice echoed down the line, making Clarke laugh at the siblings never ending bickering.There was no malice in her words though, just love and humorous annoyance. ‘<em>Just speak to the girl in person for god sake!’</em></span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And then the line had ended, followed by a text saying to meet on Atlas’ Point, actually called Pecans Point but hey, he was a giant history nerd, and she couldn’t not love him for it.And so she’d gone, and 20 minutes later was in the arms of the man she loved, with a single band of silver looped around her finger. </span>
  <span class="s3">‘<em>My mothers</em></span>
  <span class="s2">,’ he’d explained, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">She told us before she died that she wanted you to have it.’</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And then they had cried, and kissed and laughed at his reasoning for not turning up to dinner, fear of rejection, he’d called it, fear of loosing the thing he holds most dear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">That night was the night she knew that she would be okay, laying awake, wrapped up in the arms of her fiancé, a peaceful silence settled around them.It was beautiful, and their lives would have been too if he hadn’t had to play the hero, save the girl, save the kid, save the country, it didn’t matter which.And so he had gone out on the tour, and now only a part of him remained.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">So yeah, she hated voicemail.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">*</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She was staring into space now, a content look settling on her face, “It’s probably these stupid hormones, making me all emotional and mushy.” She thought aloud, realisation hitting, “Actually, that’s what I was going to tell you yesterday,”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">This was it, time to face the music.“Bell, i’m pregnant, i’m having a baby, our baby.” That was it, the first time she had actually said those words aloud,</span>
  <span class="s3"> their baby</span>
  <span class="s2">, she thought as the trace of a smile began to edge its way onto her face. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“You might be surprised, given my current situation, but as much as I try to feel sad or angry about it, I cannot bring myself too.” Clarke allowed herself to smile properly, for the first time in 21 days there was a flicker of hope, a light in the darkness.“This baby Bellamy, our baby, it’s a piece of you for me to hold, for you to live on.I will do everything properly, the way we always said we would,” Taking a deep breath she allowed herself to continue, “I cannot do it where we had always planned.I couldn’t stay in that place Bell, i’m so sorry, so sorry.Everywhere I went, Everything I did, all I could see was you, you and I on our first date, you and I arguing over movies at night, it all seems so trivial now, so pointless.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“The pain was just too much I guess, too much to bare alone, too much too soon Bell.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I miss you Bellamy, but I can do this, I will give our child a life, the life you always dreamed they’d have, I will teach them about the gods, about the stars, I will try Bellamy, I will tell our daughter all about you-“ Pausing, Clarke realised what she’d just said, shock began to edge it’s way into her bubble of hope. ‘A girl Bellamy, <em>a daughter,</em> that is what I think I want, and what you would have wanted, a tiny little baby girl with your beautiful eyes and your beautiful hair, brown curls as far as the eye can see.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Thank you Bellamy, thank you for what you have given me, this hope that maybe things might be okay without you.”Laying on floor of her room, Clarke began to cry, but these were not tears of sorrow, but tears of happiness, tears of love and hope for the future, “And never forget Bellamy, I love you,”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">”I will always love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="u">
    <span class="s1">Day 35</span>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Clarke was settling, or so she thought, into her apparent new life.Wake up, eat at whatever local diner was closest, walk around whatever town she found herself in that day, find a new motel to bargain a cheap stay from, eat dinner in a new diner.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And call Bellamy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She was starting to enjoy the monotony of it all, it reminded her of simpler times, whether it be back in high school or in the early days after they ran.It reminded her of her old life, their life, together and free as the wind.No ties to anyone or anything, just each other and their never-ending love.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">For the first couple of days after he died she couldn’t think of anything else, the memories of him caused her pain, the tears easily flowing night into day.She didn’t know when it had happened, but at some point, thinking of him and of their time together, no longer bought her world to pieces, but instead made her smile sadly and look forwards the future, her future with her child, their child.Their child that should have come later.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"><em>More time</em>, that was what he had always promised her ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">Just think princess</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"><em>’</em> he used to whisper into her hair almost every night as they lay looking at the stars. </span>
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Just think, in a few years we can have it all; the house, the careers, the marriage, the kids.We can have everything we ever wanted.’ </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And it was, the life he used to describe was everything she had ever wanted; the white picket fence, the front porch, the family-their family.It was beautiful, it would have been beautiful.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Just a couple more years was what he had promised, a couple more </span>
  <span class="s3">fucking</span>
  <span class="s2"> years.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">But now he wasn’t here, and she was trying to work out how she would survive without him, let alone try and raise their child alone.And as she lay on the rooftop of yet another motel, headphones in, tearstained face, she could not work out how any of it was going to be possible, how anything would ever be possible again without him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Slowly, Clarke began to actually listen to the soft words playing in her ears, and it took every part of her not to fall apart.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s5">‘<em>Cause you brought out the best of me</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s5">A part of me I'd never seen</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s5">You took my soul wiped it clean</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s5">Our love was made for movie screens</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s5">But If you loved me</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s5">Why did you leave me?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She decided she shouldn’t call him that day, for if, by some grace of god, he ever heard her messages, she would not want him to think her weak.To see her weak as he often had in the middle of the night, shaking from the nightmares plaguing her sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">No, she did not want him to see her falling apart without him as the girl at the radio shop had that day, she wanted him to know she was ok, coping, pushing through.It might not have been the truth, but it was all she could cling to in that moment.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">So she should not have called him that day, but she couldn’t not.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Hey baby, how’s things?I’m in a new town today, the sign said Tondc so I’m thinking its probably a rundown version of the real thing, I don’t know, I guess I won’t find out either because I’m gonna head out first thing.Something about this place is unsettling, I’m not sure what, I just think I need to find my place, you know?” She was shaking as she spoke, her hands grasping onto the tiny recorder like it could bring him back.“I don’t know what to do Bell, I’m trying, I’m trying so hard.I just don’t know how to be here without you, how to do it. How did you do it, always see the good in everything, people, places, anyone and everything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Clarke could feel the tears starting again, balancing on the edge of her already puffy red eyes, her voice cracked as she whispered into the tiny device, “Bellamy I can’t do this, I can’t do this without you. Why did you leave me? Why did they need you of all people?” She knew the answer to that question already, he was the best, Head and Heart, always doing what was right in every situation.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">He was a hero, <em>her hero.</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Bell I miss you, I miss you like I never thought I could.I wish you’d come back to me, just to see your face one more time.It was so hard Bell, opening the door to Kane’s pitiful face, to stand in the frozen cemetery as they lowered the love of my life into the ground, to see their faces, the faces of the ones you’d saved.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“God Bellamy I miss you.I’m sorry, so sorry I didn’t know about the baby when you were still here, I’m sorry I didn’t do better, I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.” She was too far gone now, not an inch of her face remained dry, the salty tears starting to stain her old painting jeans. “I’m so sorry Bellamy, so sorry.I love you, please never forget that I love you,”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I will always love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="u">
    <span class="s1">Day 50</span>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It had been a month, a whole month since she had packed up her life and ran, leaving her friends, leaving their apartment, leaving the run down town they had called home.She was starting to grow tired of her new normal, she craved the feeling of safety, of security, but she knew that neither were possible without him.She was pretty sure she had travelled out of Texas by this point, the air had been getting colder, cleaner, but by not checking any of the destinations on her many bus journeys she couldn’t be sure.More worryingly, after travelling to different motels most days her savings were starting to dwindle, she didn’t know why she’d make the choice to run, no destination or path planned, all she had known was to leave Polis.But now, a month after she had done just that, she was starting to see her mistakes, mainly being that she should not have spent her small amount of money on her motel-hopping, she should have been saving, for the baby, for the medical help she would need, vitamins, food, clothes, </span>
  <span class="s3">a roof</span>
  <span class="s2">. </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">Fuck</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She didn’t even have a place to bring her child to, a place to call home, for he had been her home, </span>
  <span class="s3">but now he was gone.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">According to the tiny calendar hanging behind the reception desk it was a Monday, the first Monday of November.A cold breeze had began to curl its way into the room, making Clarke shiver through her thin jumper.She was waiting, waiting for the new bus, the next town, the next step. She didn’t know when her journey was going to end, hell, she didn’t even know where her journey was going to end, but the anticipation of the unknown was providing enough of a distraction, and for now that would have to be enough.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">On this particular occasion she had found herself in a tiny town on the outskirts of Denver, as it happened she had travelled at lot further than she originally thought.The town was quiet, peacefully so, with the only real signs of life coming from windows of houses, golden lights and laughter, little pockets of joy lining the street.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>The driver had had to wake her up once they arrived, nudging her shoulder gently with a kind smile, ‘</span>
  <span class="s3"><em>we’re here miss, last stop.’</em> </span>
  <span class="s2">But as he had turned to return to his cab he had noticed the deep purple bags under her eyes and the paleness of her complexion. ‘</span>
  <span class="s3"><em>are you alright?</em>’ </span>
  <span class="s2">he had asked, ‘</span>
  <span class="s3"><em>got someone meeting you? or somewhere booked to stay?</em>’ </span>
  <span class="s2">she had quickly assured him that she wasn’t in town for long, and was just going to find a motel for the night.He clearly hadn’t been convinced, but did not press the subject further, just pointing her in the direction of a notice board and continued to his seat. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">For the first time since she had ran, Clarke decided to actually spare a glance in the direction of the map that was hastily tacked to the board.<span class="Apple-converted-space">  I</span>t read </span>
  <strong>
    <span class="s3">Arkadia</span>
  </strong>
  <span class="s2">, and did not seem to have a single motel listed.‘</span>
  <span class="s3"><em>Great</em>,’</span>
  <span class="s2"> She thought aloud to no one in particular, </span>
  <span class="s3">‘<em>that’s just fucking fantastic.</em>’ </span>
  <span class="s2"> But after staring at the map for another 10 minutes she had noticed a small 24 hour diner was marked on the bottom corner, and for now that would have to do.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Clarke was grateful that the walk had been short, the freezing winter air had been seeping into her thin jacket since she got off the bus, and nearing the neon sign of the diner she could see that there were only a handful of people still inside, but people meant heating, and getting something to drink and someplace to warm up was the only thing she currently cared about.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Pulling open the heavy glass door to </span>
  <em>
    <strong>
      <span class="s3">Jaspers </span>
    </strong>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">she was hit with a wave of food, the smell simultaneously making her nauseous and starving. </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">Stupid morning sickness, </span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">she cursed as she crossed towards a table in the far corner of the room, away from the only other occupants.A large table of about 5 or 6, in what she had originally thought was a couple of occupied tables turned out to be one large table, laughing and sharing plates of churros and mugs of hot cocoa.It make her heart lurch, for it had been so long since she had seen such joy shared among friends, after knowing nothing but grief and pain, alone, for weeks.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">A few moments after she sat down in the cool leather seats a friendly looking blonde woman stood up from the table and began to make her away over, pen in hand.Realisation hit Clarke the second she was within metres of her table, the diner obviously wasn’t open, but was being used by the owner? Waitress? Clarke couldn’t be sure.What she was sure off was that she needed to go, standing up she began to put her jacket back on and gather up her few belongs.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Hey hun, oh- leaving already? Is our menu really </span>
  <span class="s3">that bad?</span>
  <span class="s2">” The blonde waitress joked, but there was no trace of anger, no trace of anything other than genuine kindness in her words.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“No, no not- not at all.I just didn’t realise you were closed that’s all.” Stumbling over her words as she checked she hadn’t left any of her possessions in the booth.“Sorry, I’ll be on my way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“It’s fine,” The waitress brushed of with a laugh, “We are still open, 24 hours and all, our friends just like to come keep us company once the dinner rush has died down, that’s all.” Clarke felt herself relax at her words, and after glancing over her shoulder to the door she relented and slid back into the booth, exhaustion not allowing her to stand a moment longer.“I’m Harper by the way, so what can I get you?You seem like a hot chocolate kinda gal to me but by maybe some caffeine is in order?” The waitress-Harper asked with a smile.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Cocoa sounds good thank you” Clarke replied with a weak smile of her own, ignoring the concerned look Harper was giving her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Coming right up!” She replied as she turned towards what Clarke assumed was the kitchen.</span>
</p><p class="p2">*<br/>
<br/>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She’d been there almost 2 hours by the time the group of friends decided to call it a night, trickling out the door either alone, or with their arms wrapped around their loved ones.It was beautiful, seeing a group of people, assumably her age, so carefree and happy, it made her envious, that her life could have been like that.Her, Octavia, Bellamy and whichever of his squadies had decided to tag along, usually it was Miller, the tall, handsome medic that had been on every tour Bellamy had ever gone on.They were best friends, and she knows Miller had taken his death almost as hard as she had, she could see as much on his face as the funeral.But now was not the time to think about them, she needed to think, to clear her head of all the bittersweet memories long enough to plan her next move.Harper had been over to her a couple times in the last half hour, asking her if she needed anything to eat or a refill, but Clarke was aware of her money running low and decided that she couldn’t indulge, no matter how incredible the food smelt.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>It was the next time that she came over that made her worry, she had a pitiful look on her face and a take out cup in her hand, “Hey, look I’m really sorry to do this but my night waitress Luna just rang and her kid has been sent to the er, so I’m going to have to close up.”Her features were practically bleeding apology, and it was also lining her every word.“I know you didn’t want a refill but I made you another, on the house, to say sorry that I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Clarke had already started packing up the notebook she had been absentmindedly doodling in since her arrival, and got up to the leave the table.“It’s okay really, I was about to head out anyways… you couldn’t point me in the direction of the nearest motel could you?”It was a risk, pretty much admitting to someone that she had no place to stay, but the map had been useless and she would probably never see Harper’s kind face again, so why not?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“There isn’t one I’m afraid,” Her answer was followed with a shake of her head, “Used to be one up on Mayfair but after the owners got a divorce and moved out of state, their daughter decided to sell up and leave as well.Ash had never been excited at the idea of running it anyway, so I suppose it just made it easier? Who knows, but It’s not there anymore.” Clarke could feel panic rising within her.In all of her stops she had never been faced with the idea of having nowhere to sleep, and it was terrifying.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Oh… okay, no worries.” She was stumbling over her words as the fear intensified, </span>
  <span class="s3"><em>shit</em>.</span>
  <span class="s2"> “I’ll just be on my way then, goodnight, I hope her kid is okay-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Do you have somewhere else you will stay? Because of the motel being, well, not an option?”She was starting to see through Clarke’s wall, into the depths of her panicking, “I don’t just want to kick you out without knowing you’ll be okay thats all.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I- I’ll find somewhere” Clarke replied hurriedly, making her way towards the door.“Thank you for the drink.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">A warm hand wrapped around her wrist, stopping her from making it any further, “If you don’t have somewhere to stay I can- you could come back with me.We have a spare room and everything-it wouldn’t be any trouble.I… I don’t feel happy leaving you out on the cold streets in your..” Harper was holding back whatever she was going to say, but her actions spoke up place.She was using the hand that wasn’t gripping Clarke’s own to gesture to her stomach- and the tiny bump that had become exposed by her open jacket.Cursing herself and her foolishness, she turned towards Harper, “I don’t need your pity, nor do I want it.I can manage on my own, I’m not the hopeless charity case you’re thinking I am.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Harper’s face dropped into a look of confusion and guilt.“I would never think that, and I do not think you’re hopeless, I just… I can’t in good conscience leave you out there.I’m sorry if you thought I pitied you, you seem like an incredibly resilient person, but even the bravest people need a little help sometimes.”her expression was hopeful, happy, and it made Clarke want to cry.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Shaking, she took a deep breath and relented.“Okay…one night, but I will pay you for the trouble.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Harper was quick to shut her offer down, “As long as you need, and no, I will not take your money.Lets go.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">After grabbing her coat and locking the doors, Harper led Clarke towards an old red Peugeot parked out the front.And as they began to drive towards her home, Clarke could feel her lack of sleep starting to catch up with her, wave after wave of exhaustion mixed with the promise of a night not spent in the cold causing her to drift into a peaceful slumber.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">After some time Harper had gently shook her awake, announcing that they had arrived.Clarke was led into a cosy house, the light red brick covered in beautiful ivy and flower boxes: tiny little rosebuds planted carefully in each one.Passing through the hall, Harper led her into a small room to the left, quietly closing the door behind them.“This is the spare, the bathroom is the second door on your left and the doors opposite are our rooms.You can stay for as long as you like,I’ll talk to Monty in the morning, let him know what’s happening.” The smile on her face continued to make Clarke melt, melt into the idea that maybe she could do with a proper nights sleep in a proper bed- she’d worry about repaying Harper in the morning. “Okay well, goodnight-“ she paused, realising she hadn’t even asked for her name.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Clarke.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Well goodnight Clarke, I hope you sleep well.” She finished as she pulled the door closed behind her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Clarke couldn’t wait to let her head hit the pillow and for sleep to consume her, but there was one thing she needed to do first.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Hey Bellamy, guess what… I’m in Colorado! It’s a small town outside of Denver, I’m close to Octavia…I might try and find her…”Clarke hadn’t seen the youngest Blake since the funeral, since her college couldn’t allow her to miss anymore classes.She had worked so hard for her scholarship that Clarke and Miller had forced her to return.“I will tell you about it tomorrow, for now I think I just need to sleep.If you can see me now please don’t be mad.I only accepted her help because I had no other option, I couldn’t have your child at risk on the streets.Harper seems like one of the good ones, so we shall see.I’m going to sleep now Bell, goodnight.And remember, never forget that I love you,”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">”I will always love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And after placing the recorder under her pillow, she finally allowed sleep to consume her.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="u">
    <span class="s1">Day 51</span>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It was nearing 9 by the time Clarke managed to stir from her unusually peaceful sleep, her hair a mess and her clothes crumpled.Now that sleep was no longer her first priority, she began to look around the cosy bedroom.A bed, a dresser, a mirror and a chair.Nothing fancy, but homely all the same.Glancing in the mirror at her bewildered appearance, all she could think of was how kind Harper had been letting her stay, and how she had just offered her a bed without even knowing her name.Clarke wasn’t used to it, the purity of her kindness, it was something she had been missing these last couple weeks- a kind face, well, that and a comfy bed.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>After throwing on something more comfortable, a pair of leggings and one of Bellamy’s jumpers, she decided it was time to leave the comfort of the small room.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Harpers house was beautiful, the dim light last night had not done it justice in the slightest.A beautiful summer green was coating the hallway, with frames hanging every few feet, the pictures were perfect, Harper and a young handsome asian man, Harper and what Clarke assumed was her husband, with a group of friends, on mountains, in the ocean… but it was the last few prints that caught her off guard- Harper with a little boy, maybe 2 or 3?Her hands were interlaced with her husbands, and their hands were gently placed upon her swollen stomach.It made her heart lurch, a familiar sadness returning to coat her every being.She would never have that, the beautiful family they had always wanted, the photos, the memories, any of it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Tears had began to gather in the corners of her eyes as she heard footsteps behind her, “That was the day before Gracie was born, we had left everything so last minute because we were too busy enjoying the moment and then all of a sudden-there she was.”The love in Harper’s voice hit Clarke before she’s even turned to see her face.“Jordie was easier but people always say that boys are.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Clarke was using every last piece of strength in her to not fall apart, Harper’s words were like salt in the wound, reminding her of everything she won’t be able to share with him.“It’s a beautiful photo.” Is all she manages to reply, barely a whisper.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“How’d you sleep?”Harper either hadn’t noticed the strain in Clarke’s voice, or was too kind not to point it out, allowing her the option to tell her on her own terms.“I know the road can be loud from the spare, but Gracie didn’t cry during the night so I was hoping that you’d sleep through..”She rambling now, trying to clear the slight awkward feeling that has settled around them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I slept good, thank you.”It was the honest truth, her cheeks had been dry when she woke up, and no nightmares had kept her awake.“The best sleep I’ve had in a while, thanks to you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“That’s okay honestly, I don’t think you would have been the one not being able to sleep if I had left you out there!Anyways, Monty’s taken the kids to the park to let you have a moment before the chaos starts, theres a towel in the bathroom if you would like?Or we can go make some breakfast?” Her words are like honey, sweet and captivating, but without the hidden agenda Clarke is usually used to being faced with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It makes it easy to agree with her, and as Clarke followed her deeper into the kitchen she knew she did not make a mistake in accepting the offer.A plate of pancakes was sat on the stove, keeping warm while they waited… there were two light blue plates placed on the island, with the largest array of syrups and fruit Clarke had seen in years.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Harper notices her staring and fails to hold in her joyous laugh.“My Monty’s a chef, but he can also be a man of few words, he tends to show his emotions through actions, and I guess this is his way of welcoming you Clarke.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She said it like it was no big deal, them welcoming a stranger into their home, into their lives.But Clarke could hardly conceal her shock, a hand rising to cover her gasp, “Harper this is too much, I cant- I cant accept this… you’ve been so kind, I already don’t know how I am going to repay you for this kindness-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Harper was quick to shut her down, ushering her towards a stall as she poured them coffee, “Think nothing of it, you seem like you could use some kindness.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">When the front door opened an hour later, they were sat in the small living room, a low tune playing out of the tv as they spoke about nothing in particular.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">The first glimpse Clarke got of Harper’s family was the tiny body that collided with her seat, nearly knocking her glass over.But she couldn’t do any more than laugh it off as a small boy, no more than 3 years old clambered his way onto their sofa, all limbs and no direction.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Jordan!” Harper giggles into her sons soft brown hair, “Baby </span>
  <span class="s3">careful</span>
  <span class="s2"> I told you, you don’t want to get hurt do you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">His face dropped, lower lip starting to tremble as he buried himself into her side, “</span>
  <span class="s3">Sorry mommy…</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“That’s okay baby,” She sighed back to him, shooting an apologetic look in Clarke’s direction, “Are you gonna say hi to Clarke, Jordie?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Her son was too busy burying his head in her lap to pay any attention to her words, making Clarke laugh, “It’s okay, he’s so cute I’ll let it pass.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“He’s going through a shy phase I’m afraid, while that sister of his can’t seem to shut- ah theres my baby!” Harper’s whole faces light up as she threw her arms towards the door.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">The man that entered was the same one from the photos, dark hair and dark eyes that remind her of the night sky, handsome, there’s no denying it, but the most beautiful part of it all is the way he was cradling his daughter to his chest, a protective arm wrapped around her tiny shoulders. Asleep, by the looks of things, pieces of soft blonde hair fanned out around her head while she snored peacefully.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Harper eagerly took her daughter from him, placing a kiss on his cheek in the process. “This is my little Olivia Grace, but we’ve taken to sticking with Gracie to not confuse Jordan here.”The affection in Harper’s tone made Clarke’s heart ache, the way she could so happily talk about her kids for hours, the love she holds with her family.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She probably should’ve, but Clarke could not bring herself to feel jealousy, just the constant feeling of sadness that had been chipping away at her heart for weeks.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She noticed Harper’s husband sit in the chair opposite, perfectly happy to watch his wife and children interact, a look of pure happiness settling onto his features, plain as day.Extending a hand, he spoke directly to Clarke, “Hi, I’m Monty, I hope Harper’s not been talking your ear off too much.”His tone is warm, warm and kind, so Clarke easily released some of the tension she’d built up since he arrived and sinked back into the soft cushions.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“It’s good to meet you, I’m Clarke, and it’s fine, I love hearing all of Harper’s stories.”As much as she tried, she could not seem to keep her formal front together for long, slipping into easy conversation.“Thank you for letting me stay last night, it means a lot.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Oh, thats okay, we have the space and theres no point in making you pay for a hotel that doesn’t exist when there was a perfectly good bed going spare.A friend of Harper’s is a friend of mine, and you’ll always be welcome.”Monty spoke slowly, ensuring that she could pay attention to the seriousness in his voice- he wasn’t just being polite, he genuinely wanted her to feel welcome.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It’d been so long since someone has wanted to help her for her, not to gain something or to pity her, but just to help her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She could’ve cried.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">They spend the next few hours like that, slipping in and out of easy conversation.She tells them about Polis, they tell her about the town- </span>
  <span class="s3">Arkadia</span>
  <span class="s2">, she tells them about Wells and living in New York, they tell her about their friends; Gabriel, Luna, Brian, Roan, Jasper.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Jasper co runs the diner that you saw, we opened up a few years back, wanting to add something permanent to live on past us, you know?”She did, it was beautiful.“He comes up to help out most holidays but generally tends to run the more financial side, since he’s been living in Denver to be closer to his girlfriend it just made sense.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“She’s the best,”Harper adds, sipping her coffee with a smile.“Full of life, building herself up from nothing.A few set backs, a rough start, she’s turning it all into a future- its amazing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“She sounds awesome, they all do.”Her smile wasn’t forced, it was natural, discussing friends she will never meet, keeping the mood light.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“You’ll have to meet her! To meet them all, they’re coming up in a few days for Jordie’s birthday so if you’re thinking of sticking around….”Harper’s voice fills with realisation as she speaks, “Oh, I forgot.<em>Sorry</em>- when are you thinking of leaving?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I’m not sure, I hadn’t thought much into-“Clarke stoped herself, she should not be telling these people about her life, making friends, its not part of the plan.No ties, just her and the open road, trying to find herself again.“Never mind.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Well, like Harper said, you’re welcome for however long you’d like… and if you’re worried about pulling your weight,” Ignoring Harper’s elbow to the side, Monty continued with his offer, “We could always put that previous serving experience to the test down at Jaspers, a shift or two? Just so you don’t feel like a freeloader?”The offer flows easily into her lap, tempting her to agree- it could be so easy, a job, these friends, a life.The life she doesn’t think she deserves, but so desperately wants.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“You know what… that sounds really good actually, yeah I think I would like that.Thank you Monty.”And the smile in her voice was just that- a smile, </span>
  <span class="s3">a real smile.‘<em>Happiness</em>,’ </span>
  <span class="s2">Clarke thought, maybe she could do with a little happiness- a job, some friendly faces?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">They continue that way late into the night, discussing random parts of their lives, her starting to share little bits and pieces.They do not ask her why she’s there, nor does Harper ask about the baby- about him.She’s grateful for them not trying to pry into her life as many have since she left- it makes her feel normal, like she belongs.And after dinner is cleared away and Jordan and Grace are put to bed, Harper finally decides to acknowledge the not so small topic of the baby.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I won’t ask you to tell me,” She beings once Monty is out of earshot, reading quietly to his children, “If and when you feel comfortable enough to share, you are welcome to, but all I ask of you is that if you plan to stay for a while you let me know if you need anything- you know… for the baby…I didn’t tell Monty, it doesn’t need to shared yet, but if you accept our offer and decide to give this place a go I think he’ll need to know at some point.But all in your own time, <em>okay</em>?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Okay…And thank you Harper, for letting me stay, for being so understanding-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Stop saying thank you Clarke, you don’t need to thank us, you seem like a good person, a little lost maybe but that’s okay, just let us be here to help you, that’s all we ask.”It’s an easy enough request, and Clarke doesn’t know whether to blame the relaxing feeling having people to know or the roar of the fire causing her to crave sleep, but she agrees, if not for her then for them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">*</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It’s almost 2am by the time she decides to call it a night and says her goodbyes, leaving Monty and Harper to enjoy their wines and each others company, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">They’ve done enough putting up with me all day,’</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"> She thinks as she crawls into the soft duvet, hands already reaching under the pillow for her precious recorder.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">There is barely a trace of sadness present in her voice when she calls Bellamy that night, the unfamiliar taste of hope lingering in her words.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Hey Bellamy, how are you?”The hope mixes with her tired state, making her so high on the idea of happiness that she doesn’t even notice her slip up, “I’ve had a good day, Harper and Monty, they’re good people, I think I might hang around here a while longer, see how that plays out.”She’s playing with the edge of her phone cord mindlessly as she speaks, the words flowing easy as liquid gold, beautiful and precious.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Imagine Bellamy, imagine if I could find somewhere to stay, a place for me, for us, and so close to Octavia… it feels too good to be true, too perfect.”Sighing into the speaker as her words tumble out of her mouth without much thought, “Not that I’ll ever be happy without you but- maybe this way I can try and start to pick up some of the pieces I broke when you left… stability might be good for the baby… who knows?I told monty I would do a shift at their diner tomorrow-it’s a cute little place called </span>
  <span class="s3">Jaspers</span>
  <span class="s2">, proper retro decorations, none of the fake crap the place I used to work had…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">She goes on for hours, telling him all about the house, the town, Monty and Harper’s lives, their kids, their kindness.“I wish I could near your voice,” She mutters after a while, sleep starting to take over, “I wish I could hear you tell me that it will all be okay, that everything happens for a reason.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“But you’re not here, and maybe I should start getting used to that, I just.. I don’t think I ever will.But for tonight some hope is enough.Goodnight Bellamy, I love you.Never forget that we love you, maybe if you are really up there watching me you’ll be proud, proud of what I’ve done?But even if you’re not, just remember not to forget that I love you, I miss you and I love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“I will always love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="u">
    <span class="s1">Day 54</span>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">From the outside it must’ve looked ridiculous, Clarke’s current living situation, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.Monty and Harper were incredible, letting her stay in their home and work at their diner-letting her join into their family meals and their night time movie watching, she didn’t think she’d been more grateful to anyone since Bellamy.But she felt conflicted, part of her knowing this wouldn’t last, that she should just get the hell outta dodge before she was kicked out, her fear of being left on the side of the streets, no money, no job, nothing, was all she could think about.But at the same time, Monty and Harper had been so </span>
  <span class="s3">kind, </span>
  <span class="s2"><em>so generous</em>, telling her she’s welcome to stay for however long it takes her to decide her next move, refusing to take anything other than daily shifts at </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">Jaspers</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"> as payment. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">For the last three days, Clarke had been living a sort of new routine: wake up, walk with Harper and Jordan to preschool, work with Harper until she left at 1 and was replaced by monty for the five o’clock rush, swap shifts with Luna at 8 and return to the Green’s home.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It was mundane if anything, and Clarke couldn’t help but enjoy every second, all the while fearing that allowing herself to relax into a routine would end in pieces. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Everything had been going well, and she was finally glimpsing a chance at happiness. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">*</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">It was almost 3 when Harper arrived, after closing up early for the day and collecting some supplies for the party, Jordan wanted Power Rangers apparently, his ‘four-year-old-phase’ as Monty had so kindly put it while Clarke had tried to hide her laugh.She loved Jordan, he was the spitting image of his parents and presented her with a tiny daisy every morning on their walk to preschool- it made her feel a strange kind of happiness, love for the young boy mixing with the familiar pang of sadness she experienced each time she thought about Bellamy, and their baby.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>It was worse with Olivia-Grace, who insisted on giggling whenever Clarke went near her.The first time had caught her off guard, thinking she did something wrong or had something on her face, but now it was a comforting sound, reminding her of the innocence of the little girl, reminding her that children can live happy lives, even if the grown ups hadn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Harper had arrived with someone, Clarke noted, a young guy in his twenties, who looked suspiciously like her doppelgänger.He was, as it turned out, her older brother Brian, </span>
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Only older by a minute!</em></span>
  <span class="s2"><em>’</em> Harper had explained to Clarke in a rush, making it clear this was either a sore subject or an on going dispute, or both. </span>
  <span class="s3">‘<em>Just because his fat head took up all the room and he had to get out of the way for me!’</em> </span>
  <span class="s2">She’d insisted, laughing into her brothers shoulder with a fond smile.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And now here they were, the six of them sat around the small wooden coffee table in Harpers lounge, coffee mugs in hand and a sleeping baby snoring softly.Brian was busy explaining something about his job as a security guard at some club called </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s3">The Dropship</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"> when the doorbell had rang, cutting through all conversation in the room.It made Clarke nervous.  Trying to work out if she wanted to stay in this beautiful town was not being made any easier by the fear of rejection she held to everyone she met, if they didn’t like her she wouldn’t be able to stay.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>As Harper left to answer the door she felt her confidence being dragged with her, like a river running towards the sea.Her and Harper had gotten closer, she trusted her, wanted to keep their new found friendship alive for a while longer.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">The front door swung open with a scream, a scream of joy mixed in with a name, “Jasper!!!!”She could imagine Harper jumping into his arms, the thought made her smile, but her smile was quickly wiped from her face by the next words she heard. “Octavia!! So glad you could come!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">‘Octavia?’ </span>
  <span class="s2">Clarke thought in a panic, knowing that name isn’t common </span>
  <span class="s3">at all</span>
  <span class="s2">, she felt her stomach drop, </span>
  <span class="s3"><em>shit</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">All she could hear was her heart beating in her ears as the trio rounded the corner, exchanging hugs with each member of their family until Clarke felt eyes on her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Oh jasper, Octavia!Remember I mentioned we’ve got a friend staying for a while?”Harper was all smiles, no idea the impact her words were having. “This is Clarke!Clarke, this is Jasper and his girlfriend Octavia.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">And at the same time she felt the body turn towards hers, all the warm left the room, a pair of green eyes falling on her and she knew. </span>
  <span class="s3">
    <em>Shit, she shouldn’t be here.</em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">“Clarke?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">to be continued….</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p>
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